What's really going on inside of us....
I am reminded again that nobody really knows what's going on deep inside us. I had the privelege this morning of listening to a few people share a little of what's going on deep...really deep in their hearts. As they were sharing, each was invariably led to moments of such intensity that tears started flowing. I could almost feel the agony....the longing, the pain, the struggle. There were some details although it wasn't necessary.

But then I see these people on a regular basis. We chat. We laugh. We smile. We joke. We share. But beneath all that...all this time there were obviously a lot of other things going on in their lives. Things that are kept hidden from the public. Things that matter a lot to them. After all, we live in a fallen world. Problems are everywhere. There's simply no escape but life has to go on. And so we do. We carry on with the myriad of activities. We are incredibly busy most of the time. Is this a facade we are living then? Who is the real you and me?

I want to kick myself for being so caught up with myself. I didn't take the time to be a real friend. My friend is going through a tough time. Outwardly, things are fine. But deep down, where it really matters, there is pain. And so I resolve to make the time and to take the effort to be a friend. Not just a 'good time' friend but one who can be counted on for the sad or bad times.

Mental block in the kitchen....
Yesterday I was merrily making Luke a cup of horlicks. So I opened the fridge, reached for what I thought was the carton of milk, opened it and poured it into the cup. The liquid that came out of the carton was dark orange. I had grabbed the carrot juice carton instead. Oh dear. For a split second there, I thought he may not taste the difference. But that would've been mean. So down the drain it went.

Tonite's dinner menu was striploin steak. The boys had finished eating. I was mucking about in the kitchen. It was about 9pm. I knew Tim had a meeting tonite but thought he said he was coming back to eat first. Baobei always goes crazy when we eat steak. It's the smell. She propped herself up on the kitchen counter, drooling longingly at the one steak left....for Tim.
So I text Tim:
Baobei is eyeing ur steak. Think i will give it to her.
His reply:
Grrrrr!
I have no explanation for this. But next thing I knew, I was thoroughly convinced that Tim had gone straight to the meeting and wasn't coming back to eat. So I gave Baobei the steak.
Half an hour later, Tim comes back....to eat dinner. Oh dear.
And so the dog got the steak and the head of the household got instant noodles!

Things you don't need to know....
But I'm telling you anyway. Ha!

The Ang Mo Kio Community Hospital is now called the Ang Mo Kio Tai Huay Kwan Hospital. The Buddhists have bought it. From whom I don't know. Brought my mother-in-law there today to get her stitches taken out. My cousin has a clinic there. It was a long & scenic drive. Mainly because I got lost.

The Poh Pia man at Holland Village market is now at the Food Court in Basement 2 at HDB Hub. I really like Toa Payoh Hub. It's so happening. I was greedy and bought 3 poh pias to eat. I was greedier and bought $3 of Rojak. I ate 1 1/2 poh pia & some rojak and felt absolutely bloated.

This morning I did my usual running circuit around the estate. My heart is in good shape but my knee started to misbehave toward the end. Then since I was all gross & sweaty, I grabbed my dog and gave her a bath. I forgot to stretch after my run. My left leg started to stiffen. What is happening to my youthful body? It's disintegrating!!!!!!

Learning Hokkien.....
is as easy as ABC.
Children is kina kia.
Bird is jiao kia.
Korean car is Kia.
Give birth is seh kia.
Furniture is Ikia.
Police is mata kia.
Small house is chu kia.
Handphone is Nokia.
Malay is huan kia.
Hindu is kay leng kia.
Kuai lou is ang mo kia.
Chinese is tng lang kia.
Japanese is jitpun kia.
Bad guy is is pai kia.
Good guy is ho kia.
Person who read this is Gong kia.
If you laugh, you are Seow Kia.
Haha...

Defining what made my day....
Yesterday morning I had a weird sense of satisfaction when I chased after Bus 238 in Toa Payoh. And caught it! I was on my way to Subaru's new service centre to pick up Tim's car. The day before I had proudly acquired my very own EZ link card and put it to good use.

I was also amazed that it only took 30 minutes on the buses 157 & 238 to get from my place (near Eng Neo Ave) to Toa Payoh Lorong 8. That's 5 stars for Singapore's public transport system. Very good. I am so proud. Cheap and good. Fast. Makes me wonder if I should take the bus instead of drive....and always paying for overpriced parking everywhere.

For a change I watched some TV and caught two shows for the first time.

That Mindfreak show by Criss Angel. That fellow looks awful. Hard not to notice that huge cross he has dangling over his chest. Given equal display with his own logo.....a round thingy with a cursive A on it. Looks dubious to me. It's disturbing watching him do his stuff....precognition, seemingly impossible magic tricks. He dared his friend to hit him with a car....and the wall behind him crumbled but he was unscathed. I don't know what the deal is. What awful pact he must have made with the fork holding and two horned variety. Don't want to know.

I was thoroughly amused & captivated by an English show titled Super Nanny. She came to the rescue of a young couple with a bratty 4 yr old kid and his twin 15th month old siblings. Television footage showed this toddler pushing and shoving his siblings. He was totally bratty and rude to his parents. They were on extreme ends of parenting styles. The mother was a total pushover. The dad had zero tolerance. They were confusing their kids.

The thing that stood out for me was how resilient & malleable our children are. They are always ready to change to the way we parent. Guess there's not much choice. But in many ways, they are our victims as we learn to parent. Like my friend mentioned what I thought was an astute observation years ago. There aren't really any bad children. It's the parents. There are bad parents.

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH....
Was loitering around the kitchen mid morning. Mouth feeling itchy. Spied a big pack of Doritos Cooler Ranch! chips. Tore it open. Told myself I'd eat just a couple to hit the spot. Then the phone rang. Was trapped in a conversation. Actually I was listening and didn't have to say much. Old friend. So I continued eating. The conversation went on for longer than I expected. Kept eating. Couldn't stop myself. Except every now and then to lick the salt & stuff from my fingers. Polished off half the pack. Sigh. Choose to blame the friend who called for keeping me on the phone and inadvertently making me snack longer than I intended.
Get this 'since I already ate so much junk food what's a little more' sensation. Open the fridge. Open the fridge drawer. Grab a Delfi chocolate cereal crunch bar. Tore it open. Indulged. Sometimes it feels so good to be bad.

Day 39
This is taken from Dwight Hill's booklet Mission Critical: 90 Days of Meditations for the Marketplace. Buck shared it with us when we were having drinks at One Rochester few nights ago. It has stuck in my head. It's about the need to 'create margin in our lives'.
Get Less Done but Do the Right Things.
Assess all your activities as to their spiritual authenticity.
Ever get the feeling when you have too many things to do that you don't even know where to start? Then, instead of doing anything...it just feels better to procrastinate. Which makes things worse. Then there are other days when I feel super efficient. Got so many things done. Ah...but were they the right things?
And so I'm going to continue chewing on this thought for the next few days.
What are the 'Right things' that I ought to be doing? And hopefully after I figure that out, I will be at peace with the concept of 'getting less things done'.

Anne Rice
She's written 26 novels. Two I recognise because they were made into movies - Interview with a Vampire & The Mummy. The long list all have pretty morbid titles and I'm guessing shows her past obsession with the dark side of things. Titles like: The Queen of the Damned, Memnock the Devil, The Tale of the Body Thief, Blood Canticle etc. There are about 5 books alone about vampires: The Vampire Lestat, The Vampire Armand etc.
I remember reading in a newspaper article that she has been transformed. Her latest book is titled Christ the Lord: Out of Eqypt. Excellent read. Took me two days to speed read it. I was gripped. The other reason why I had to read it quickly is because I intend to give it to my dad as his birthday present tomorrow!
Time for a quick confession. I wanted this book. But it cost about $60 because it's hot off the press and available only in hardcover. So being the creative economist that I am, I got it as a present. Couldn't resist reading it first. Also I know once my dad is done reading it, it'll likely get passed to my step-mother, then my brother and last my sister-in-law. Hopefully after that, it'll come back to me so I can lend it to all my friends. Ha!
Back to the book. It's a novel about Jesus as a seven yr old boy. It's very interesting angle because it is written in the first person. His family move from Egypt back to Nazareth. He's fully human and yet has some bizarre experiences with supernatural power. The story unfolds as he discovers the circumstances surrounding his birth - the angels, the shepherds, the magi........and sadly, the massacre of all children under 2 yrs old in Bethlehem because of Herod's rage. Rice is known for her historical accuracy in her background settings. I liked this book because it brought to life to a 'Christmas' story that became jaded years ago. It has given me an insight into what it meant to be a Jew...their customs, their practices, their way of life. It so inspired me that I had to pick up my New Testament and re-read the first few chapters of Matthew and Luke. It has added texture to my understanding of the gospels.
My favourite part is actually the Author's Note at the back of the book. It is Anne Rice's testimony. She shares how her historical research led her to the undeniable truth to who Jesus is. It transformed her. Talk about moving from dark to light. Horror movie novels about vampires to Jesus Christ - Light of the World. I think it's wonderful. Imagine her fanbase who will read this book because they like her writing - maybe they will see the light too.

Ledang-ed!
My thighs are still aching and now I know what it feels like to have bad knees. That insecure feeling that the knee may decide not to cooperate and buckle instead. The need to go down steps one at a time in a bid to keep the knee straight.....cos otherwise its just too painful....
The climb was a blast! So glad all of us (11 kids, 9 adults) made it to the summit and back - with little more than some cuts & grazes.....a black toe (not mine!) That was 3 hours up to Checkpoint 4 (to set up camp), 4 hrs up to Checkpoint 8 (the summit) and then 4 hrs down to CK4 again (to eat & sleep). That's 11 hrs of hard labour. Never experienced that before.
The most gruelling part was between CK 5 & CK 6. The gradient - almost vertical. The terrain - big boulders. The method - using all four limbs to haul one's ass up. The equipment - thick ropes with knots to grip on to. The faith - that the hands won't let go and the rope is well secured & won't give way. This part is nicknamed KFC. So deceiving. One thinks instantly of crispy chicken. It stands for 'Killing Fields Climb'.
My fave part. Checkpoint 4. Hot milo & cup noodles never tasted so good. Hot milo....I drank 3 cups. I wanted to drink it all night long. The campsite is right next to these big boulders where the water sits in a natural pool. We all jumped in when we got back. It was cold. My guess is about 20 degrees celsius. But it was so good.
My unfave part. Despite being dead beat. It was impossible to sleep. Too cold. Think it went down to 16 degrees. The ground was hard. The kids were cold. The tent not big enough for all of us.
Now. I'm not touching any more H-2-O (isotonic drink) nor eating any more granola bars. Going to indulge in lots of chocolate. And probably get hold of some deep heat for my aching legs.

My Outgear Climbing Pack
It's a pretty sunflower yellow and has a capacity of 30 litres. Got it for $40+ from Beach Road. Just got done packing it. It weighs 10kg. This is all the nonsense I'm bringing.
A pair of slippers
T-shirt, pants, socks, undies waterproofed in a zip-lock bag
Disposable toothbrush & toothpaste
2 Army ground sheets
Sewing kit
Swiss Army Knife
Transparent Nylon Raincoat (Beach Rd $4)
Lightstick
A pack of Dettol wipes
Disposable Chopsticks
Two 1500ml bottles of water
Four 500ml of H-2-O
Gas cooker & canister - model 206 (Beach Rd $25)
3 packets of milo powder
2 packets of monster noodles
2 Cup Noodles
1 Red Enamel Mug & teaspoon
10 Assorted Granola bars
1 Nifty little torchlight (Beach Rd $4)
Half roll of toilet paper
2 Black garbage bags
Assorted plasters, tweezers
My favourite faded red cap to keep my hair in place

It'd better not rain while we're up there. Better not be so blazing hot either. Not looking forward to the open air anywhere you want to go toilet. Looking forward to......actually I don't know what to expect. Although I went up Mt Kinabalu as a kid, I get the feeling this is going to be quite demanding.

Some Comic Relief.....
Received an email with a list of Ah Beng & Ah Lian jokes. They were all hilarious but this is my favourite:

Ah Lian as phone operator :
>
> Ah Lian goes for a job interview as a phone operator.
> After a short conversation, the manager realizes that Ah Lian can't speak
> decent english and he decides to make it hard for her and says "Ok, I'll
> employ you if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".
> Ah Lian of course agrees. The manager says, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink
> and Yellow.
>
> Now use them in 1 sentence."
> Ah Lian thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok.
>
> The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
>

Yesterday I brought Baobei to the vet for her jab. One of those 'kill the bugs living inside her' jabs. She hates it. I always feel awful seeing her legs shake uncontrollably when I put her on that cold stainless steel examination table. So I looked out the window. Never noticed it before. It was a pet columbarium. There's a lily pond on the left and a koi pond on the right. Neat rows of urns in different shapes, sizes & colours. Some of the cubicles have faded photos. Not looking forward to the day when I'd have to deal with that.

Building Bridges
I'm referring to human bridges. Relational bridges. Making the effort to spend time together. Discovering common interests. Creating more shared memories. Aiming for a big memory bank of shared smiles, laughs, whatever. Sometimes talking. Sometimes doing not much at all...but together. The original bridges were actually built many years ago. So it hasn't been difficult to pick up from there. So now I find myself investing time and effort into reinforcing these old bridges. Making them wider, stronger, more stable. My aim is for rock solid bridges. I don't know when these bridges will be needed. But I'm hopeful they will be used. Good thing about retrofitted bridges is that it increases traffic. May start off as tentatively one way traffic. With persistence and grace, it gradually becomes two way traffic. With regular use and more investment, I believe it will be very well utilised. I hope it will be the first thing that comes to mind when the moment is right. The moment of realization that each of us here are actually part of a much bigger plan. The bridges that I spent time investing in would serve the exact purpose for which they were created. The bridge that leads the lost home....to their true home.

The Great Restoration
This is the title of my favourite chapter in John Eldredge's book. I learnt all kinds of stuff. Things I thought I knew about but really didn't. It energized me. Inspired me. Gave me a picture....something concrete to look forward to.
Sharing some insights:
The kingdom of God brings restoration. Life is restored to what it was meant to be.

What happens to Jesus after he dies? He is resurrected, of course. As someone or something else? No, as himself, only healed and very much alive. Then what - float around? No, he has breakfast.

Do you see that eternal life does not become something totally "other", but rather that life goes on - only as it should be.

Dallas Willard wrote, The life we now have as persons we now are will continue in the universe in which we now exist.

The earth has been our home and will be our home in eternity. This is a great consolation. When we place eternity "out there somewhere", in a place we cannot conceive of, we are left longing for home. To lose the only world we have ever known - a world so full of memories, so rich and beautiful, with so much left to explore - is to lose something deep and priceless to our hearts.

The only things destroyed are the things outside God's realm - sin, disease and death. But we who are God's children, the heavens and the earth he has made, will go on.

What will we do in eternity? If all we've got are halos and harps, our options are pretty limited. But to have the whole cosmos before us - wow.

This brings to mind what Dr Tan Kim Huat said in honest hilarity. If all we are going to do in heaven is worship God endlessly, He would simply have made us as one big mouth.
There is one sentence Eldrege repeats a few times throughout this chapter. I'm mulling over it and plan to give it more thought.

We can only hope for what we desire.

Botanics
Once a week I join my friend and we walk all over the Botanics. It's such a lovely, lovely park. Really. It's beautiful. I love the big old trees. I love to walk along the ponds, spot the swans and catch glimpses of fish, terrapins etc. I love to look up and see the sky through the canopy of the tree leaves. The blue sky. The first rays of sun. The endless rows of trees.....the variety appears endless. Green grass. Different types of flowers. The ginger garden. Didn't know about all those varieties of ginger. I love to listen to water too. I always look out for the water features and it makes me smile. We always see a few regulars also. Infact, the Botanics is rather busy in the morning. For all types of creatures - two legged, four legged, wheelchair bound, stroller bound - all sorts. But it just absorbs us all. There's enough room for everybody!
I'm been studying the first few chapters of Genesis in BSF recently. I feel so very happy to be able to walk around the Botanics and imagine I'm getting a glimpse of the garden of Eden. I think Eden was much, much more beautiful than the Botanics though.