Borrowed this book from CCMC library. By Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend. Speed reading it & midway through now. In a nutshell, it explores how we can have better control of our lives by establishing clear boundaries. Key words are ownership & responsibility. Knowing where personal ownership ends & sticking to it.
Chapter 10 is titled 'Boundaries and Children'. Think this is a very good guideline on the overall big picture look at parenting.
By the time they are ready to leave home, our children should have internalized a deep sense of responsibility for their lives. They should hold these convictions:
My success or failure in life largely depends on me.
Though I am to look to God and others for comfort and instruction, I alone am responsible for my choices.
Though I am deeply affected by my significant relationships throughout my life, I can't blame my problems on anyone but myself.
Though I will always fail and need support, I can't depend on some overresponsible individual to constantly bail me out of spiritual, emotional, financial, or relational crises.
The boundary needs of children are:
Taking responsibility for One's needs
Having a sense of control and choice
Delaying gratification of goals
Respecting the limits of Others